Testimony of a friend!

I'm heaps excited!

My dear friend and brother emailed out his success at getting a graduate position in July! Woohoo. Happy because I've personally seen this brother never lose faith and hope in God. He persevered, he fasted, he prayed, he remained faithful in his responsibilities and ministries. He constantly showed such a good example of trusting God. Wow....this is really God honouring the faithful! I'm also so glad to have been able to be part of praying for this particular position to be awarded to him.

I'm particularly excited because this bro has encouraged [Ps Lance's definition of literally GIVING COURAGE] me a lot this past year or so, especially in the area of grabbing hold of my God-given calling and destiny. I was in a really low point a year ago and was wandering around a little bit, trying to figure things out. This friend came along and was really a true edifier and leader. He never shyed away from the hard things to say, but always spoke in love.

He's always been the voice of truth and motivation, persuading the people around him to really pursue what God has for them. It was hard on him to graduate and be jobless for the past 8 months or so. But he has never said a negative word throughout the whole process. He always acknowledged the toughness of unemployment and the financial stress, but he kept praying and kept faith.

God has definitely rewarded him for his faith!

Happy for you bro! :)

Leadership and submission and dancing.

I've been thinking a lot about dancing. Now that I'm taking lessons, I've been pondering about the 'leadership' of the males and the partnership of the male and female. Nothing seems to illustrate God's plan for marriage and male/female roles than pair dancing or couple ice-skating. Somehow, I have always found that watching a couple dance or ice-skate is far more interesting and beautiful than a solo dancer/skater. The partnership is a really gorgeous thing to watch when it is done seamlessly. Some reflections:

• Someone needs to lead. There can't be 2 leaders in a pair. That would be chaos. And in dancing, it is the male who leads.  He is often the one who has to do the hard work of deciding the next move, and guiding the partner into it in a smooth, graceful way.
• In dancing, no one argues the concept of the male leader. No one usually has a problem with the woman submitting to the partner's decisions. Why can't we also treat marriage and male/female roles in the same way?
• Of course, there is no way the male can FORCEFULLY lead the woman in a dance without looking absolutely stupid and horrid. In a proper dance, both parties know the steps really well. They almost make the decision to flow from one step to another together. They WANT to do it together. There is no compulsion. 
• Males have to lead in a way that the females respect to have a good dance. He will always signal to her when he is making a decision for a new move. He is confident in his abilities. He steps up to the plate. He takes the responsibility. To be guided by a confident male dancer who is not showing off is a good experience. He is considerate and a joy to dance with, just like a husband should be a joy to do life with when he is confident in his role.
• When a male is new and inexperienced, the female doesn't 'take over' his role. She helps him lead her. She prompts him, supports him. even instructs him and follows proactively. But she still lets him do what he is supposed to do instead of saying,"You're lousy. I'll be the male. You can be the female."
• Although the male leads, sometimes, he actually leads in a way that 'serves' the female dancer. He 'shows' her off and puts the spotlight on her instead of on himself. He supports her, he lifts her, he makes her look the best he can. 
• The dance is incomplete without both dancers. The male and female are equally important. They can't pull it off without each other. They are a team. Marriage is the same.
• When the dancers flow together, it is the most beautiful thing to watch. The energy, the passion, the grace, the synergy, the breathtaking moments...all speak of transcendent unity and design! When husband and wife flow together, there is that same beauty in their lives. 

I'm just praying when I get married, I'll remember this. I'll learn to flow with my husband and follow his lead. Submission will be a joy. Trust will not be an issue. 

Last note:

Rehearsing dancing can be tricky! You need to practice practice pratice! You need to put in hard work, sweat, tears and even blood. You'll step on each other's toes. You'll sometimes hurt each other. You might fail to catch your partner after a lift and she comes crashing down. 

I believe marriage involves all these hard things too. But it is for the beauty of the dance of marriage. The unity of purpose. The awesome feeling of getting better and better at it . It is definitely going to be worth all the hard work and dedication. 

I'm so glad it's Thursday night

I'm so glad it's Thursday night. Tomorrow, I can sleep in. Work is only half day. It's in Sunnybank. I don't have to drive 23 km to get to the studio, and 23 km back. But wow, I'm actually driving! I'm doing something that I've been rather hesitant and fearful of all the while when I was in Brisbane. Goodness knows why, when traffic in Malaysia is worse and I manage fine there. But, it's just a 'first time jitters' thing. Mom would testify that I just freak badly at anything new before I do it, and then plunge in so deep like it never bothered me at all [and have people wanting to wring my neck for all the fear-whinging done previously]....It was like that with playing piano for church for the first time, going away for camps, singing on stage, driving at home, evax, exams, first year uni, work...

I'm just here to reflect on the generosity of a brother that lent me his car this week and for as long as I need it these few weeks. This brother has been known to be really generous and servant hearted to everyone he meets. He helped out our household with our issues over the eyars, gave us a free desktop for the TV, lent me his laptop, drove to the airport to pick up stuff, helps people with punctured tyres, helps people move house. 

I'm really challenged when I see such open-handedness, because I know I'm way less open-handed. I'm much more protective of my stuff, my money etc. I'm much more aware of being 'fair' with people. I have a "I'll bless you, but please bless me back" mentality. 

I mean, there is a place to be wise, but ultimately, a servant-hearted, generous lifestyle is one that reflects Christ. Well....I must decrease then. I've beent trying very hard to share with housemates, with lifegroup people and to think of ways to bless others. Honestly, my mom can testify that it goes against my very grain. I've always lived as one who 'lives and let lives'. Leave me alone and I'll leave you alone. Be responsible for yourself and I'll be responsible for myself. I'll give you a present, but where's mine? Treat me right and I'll treat you right. Treat me wrong and I'll have anger and resentment starting to brew.

How does one love and serve with no strings attached, particularly to brothers and sisters around me?

God teach me....and I'm a slow learner, but please be patient with me. 

Near to You

Heard this recently. It's a beautifully sung song, so poignant and emotional. Check it out here.

Near To You lyrics
Songwriters: Sample, Nicklas Joseph; Sudol, Alison Loren;

He and I, it's somethin' beautiful
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last
Loved him so but I let him go
Cause I knew he'd never love me back

Such pain as this
Shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss
Still a little bit delirious, yeah

Near to you, I am healin'
But it is takin' so long
Cause though he's gone and you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yeah, I'm better near to you

Well, you and I, it's somethin' different
And I'm enjoyin' it as cautiously
I'm battle scarred, I am workin' oh so hard
To get back to who I used to be

He's disappearin'
Fadin' steadily
When I'm so close to bein' yours
Won't you stay with me, please?

Cause near to you, I am healin'
But it is takin' so long
Cause though he's gone and you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet I'm better near to you
Yeah, I'm better near to you

I only know that I am better where you are
I only know that I am better where you are
I only know that I belong where you are

Musings

I'm tired. But I can't sleep. My mind is racing at top speed. I'm online because I can't sleep. I really need to sleep. I have to wake up early tomorrow to do relief teaching. I now regret taking it up I want sleep in tomorrow. Have I mentioned that I need sleep?

I've been doing more hours of teaching. These 3 days have really drained me. I've done nothing but wake up, gear myself up for work, shower, eat breakfast, prepare lunch for work, do Bible reading, go to work, work, come back from work. unwind online, and then sleep. My hours at the Northside have been increasing up to 7 and 7.5 a day.That is a HUGE output of mental and physical energy. Plus the 3-4 hours of travelling and waiting a day. Sigh.

I hate living a life around work. Especially when I just tolerate teaching. It's a good job. But living my life around it is another thing.

And I've discovered another thing. All my life, I've never been able to get along with guys from the age of 12-15. I get one with the young girls, young boys,  the older teens of both sexes, the uni students, the adult men and women, the middle-aged and the pensioners.

BUT young adolescent boys. They are often rude, annoying, show-off, weak, wimps, and disrespectful. They think the know everything when they are often the ones with the least talent, can't play, can't sing, and can't take instructions!!!!! 

I grew up with a bunch of guys in church around my age. Between 12-15, most of the guys were absolutely unbearable and unmotivated. And they were everything I just stated above. I wondered for a very long time if there was anything good in the male race. 

However, on a good note, my boss was a champ this week. Yesterday, a couple of people missed their lessons because they were trapped by the flood waters. He usually charges for last minute cancellations, but he decided not to charge these people. Yet, he decided to pay the teachers their portion of the lessons missed as well. Wow. I've never seen a music studio/agency work out things that don't really benefit them financially. He's definitely built goodwill with both parties. I have to learn from him He' s a fair and wise businessman. And his business is growing. God bless him.

And today, he cared enough to pass on 2 compliments from the students. One said she was getting heaps out of her lessons and she was really enjoying it. Another said that I was the best teacher ever!

Awwwww.

Now, I hope that helps me sleep. 

Monday

I had a good day. 

Bill Johnson and apple/orange smoothie.

A chat with God and asking Him to search my heart about honouring certain people. 

Lunch with a great friend and a half-priced meal at the Plough Inn. Food and fellowship and lots of  edifying talk and catch up. What can be better than that?

Work with my favourite clients in Brisbane. The kids reported a good exam experience. Praise God! Had fun singing 'Matchmaker' with little Joey. 

Dinner with another great friend.  

Went for a dance class. It was lots of fun. Better than I expected. The people there were shy and nice. And I got a rosy face from all the exercise. 

Home now to the rest of Bill Johnson.  And hopefully some guitar practice too. 

I love expanding my life.

Good bits of Bill Johnson - Beyond Familiarity

When the Lord reveals his sovereign work/act/miracle/provision,
there is a wisdom and insight to be gained,
so whatever happens accidentally will happen intentionally.

We have a co-labouring role with the Lord and there is something to be learnt when He acts sovereignly. Ask the Lord for understanding, so that we can be tools to carry out God's will intentionally. We need to learn how heaven resources earth[heaven's economy?] Learn about how God supplies and provides. How he thinks and what is his attitude towards this.Learning about how he functions makes me available to invite the Sovereign God to enter into particular situations.

Why does the Lord not often reveal himself openly to the world and especially to the church? Because he wants the worship to come from human decision and love.

God has all authority and all sovereignty, but he does not control/force everything. He has already set certain parameters where human decision will play a part. He has set the stage where the Church of God arises. The bride arises in the likeness of Christ. She is cooperating with the purposes of God.

No prophet is not without honour, except in his hometown, which is why God usually wants us to learn to minister at home first. Where there is not much rewards. It's much easier to build a ministry where people don't know you very well. God doesn't want us to be addicted to reward and honour.

Familiarity stops us from receiving the full richness from God. Sometimes words for us come in the most unlikely packages and vessels.

Honor allows us to tap into the supernatural realms of God. We need to learn how to honor who a person is in God without stumbling on who they are not in God.

Whoa...more to come.

The frustration...

I'm been very busy. Sometimes not physically busy [though mostly, I am], but mentally very busy. Thinking, thinking, thinking all the time. 

It's late at night now. It's Sunday. I'm deliberately trying to rest my mind and body. I had a good nap just now. But...

It's frustrating! 

It's frustrating to pursue the vision of being an artist!

It's frustrating to know that you've got to put in hours of practice to sound any good. 

It's frustrating to feel like practice is getting you no where. It's frustrating to feel you'll never seem to get a particular genre and will never be good enough.

It's frustrating when people don't understand your job and it's commitments. 

It's frustrating to hear your own songs and feel like they are never good enough.

It's frustrating not to have enough resources and money and influence. 

It's frustrating to feel like I'm getting old and getting nowhere in a young industry.

Help me...God.

Stepping out in Faith: Part 3

God's really been opening up opportunities to share with my students. Due to the emphasis on political corrrectness in Western Countries, I have shrunk back from sharing the gospel with Aussies.

But I remember a prophecy by Ps Donald early this year. He urged me not to quit my job, and that my ministry will start soon. It might not be prominent pulpit preaching, but it would be like the woman who put yeast in 3 batches of dough. They rose with that tiny bit of yeast [signifiying how the kingdom of God would  work. Small, insignificant beginnings like yeast and mustard seeds. But it would grow!]

I see this coming to past. It's taken a year to build relationships in my work place. Now, I'm in a position where I can have dinner with colleagues and have a good chat. I've shared through Christmas cards to certain colleagues. I've been able to pray for the sick. 

The fields are ripe for harvest, Jesus said. I sometimes wondered if that was always true. I've worked so hard at some fields before without seeing anything.  But now I see that Jesus's words probrably quite true [still testing it all out]!! Sometimes, it is one's position as labourer that matters. Am I positionally in the right place to start reaping the harvest? Perhaps many of us should question if our attitude, position and location is right before questioning the availability of the harvest. 

Now, I believe I'm in the right place for this particular season. It's very humbling. 

Part 3 for stepping out in faith. I had been talking to Rachelle about sharing to students and the difficulty of not seeming like I'm taking advantage of 'helpless' kids by talking about Jesus. She suggested that I answer whatever questions that came up and take the opportunity to sahre, though it was unwise to initiate sharing if no questions were asked.

Last week, a child did start asking lots of questions. She was very curious about after-life. She believed nominally in God and in Jesus but had pretty much no idea about the gospel. She kept asking and asking. I quickly thought through some helpful illustrations, and shared the gospel. I told her humans messed up. Look at the world. War, suffering and badness. Jesus wants to rescue us. He died on the cross for our sins. And we can have eternal life after we physically die, and we can be sure, because Jesus already went before us. He died but he came back to life and he had a new body. So that is what we will have too. We can trust in Jesus to save us from dying because he's the only one who's ever resurrected and offered life. This was in a space of 2 minutes or so.

"Ahh...right". She was quite fascinated. I went on with her lesson. But my heart was pounding. God is really opening up the doors to share. And I need to be as wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove. 

One day, I really hope to see someone genuinely trust in God as their saviour. I want to sow as many seeds as possible. I want to see many reaped. So help me God. Only You can open the doors at the right time.

It's time in my life for the church to move into the workplace significantly. Not just as a place to make money so I can have time later to do 'ministry', but ministering throughout work. 

Amen.