Masquerade Ball pics. It was a fun night.

God whispers and shouts through Bill Johnson

My morning podcast and meditating on Bill Johnson's sermon on 'Reformational Prayers'. Wow. Full of good stuff. So many things God is trying to mould ito my life at the moment. Basic things, like the discipline of meditating on the Word, and prayer for people around me, and building the foundations of life strong. Building stability. Building strength.

Here are some notes anyway.

• He talked about the Elijah and prophets of Baal showdown. In the absence of men/women of God, occult activity zooms in to take the place of real spirituality.
• When one has a huge spiritual breakthrough, the man/woman of God is at the point of their greatest vulnerability. We face the greatest temptation after our biggest victories and breakthroughs! We become tired or careless. Elijah became fatigued and depressed.[hmm. Sounds familiar. VERY familiar]. Because we are limited people, limited in energy, strength etc.
• The same kind of situation happened to King Hezekiah. He was a reformer and led the nation back to God. God even gave him 15 more years to live. He enters into a place of blessing and favour with the nations around him as well.
• THEN, he fails the test. He wants to show off how blessed he is to enemy nations. He grew careless, prideful and lifted up in his own heart.
• The prophet comes and rebukes him. He told him that the calamity will come upon the his children instead of him. This should have been a divine opportunity to contend and intercede for the mercy of God. If he knew God's character well, he would have interceded like Moses for the Israelites. INSTEAD, he rejoices that he will escape calamity selfishly. His heart had become corrupted and hardened that he even lost the God-given instinct to protect and bless his children and descendants.

Then he talked about Solomon, which leads to the verse.

1 Chronicles 7:13-14

"When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command locusts to devour the land or send a plague among my people, ¹⁴ if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

• Solomon actually accomplished everything that came into his heart. Wow.
• God usually does not give us dreams that he does not want to be fulfilled. He does not taunt and tease. He deposits seeds of dreams on us and he wants to see them fulfilled
• One should learn rejoice with those who have victories, even when we are not doing so well. One should learn how to be a friend and mourn with those who are suffering, even when we are having a very good time. When you know how to handle your friend's breakthrough, you become positioned to handle your own.[principle of stewardship]

1 Tim 2: 1-2

I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— ²for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. ³This is good, and pleases God our Savior, ⁴who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.

• Nehemiah practiced intercession. He STEPPED into his nation's shoes. He calls his nation's sin as his sin. When we intercede, we pray on behalf of people as if we were them, or together with them.
• We give thanks for all in authority, evil of good. There is a sanctifiying work to thankfulness.
• Civil responsibility and prayer for rightous people to be promoted are all important, but the political mindset is dangerous.
• The Lord will even bless the world before he will bless the CARNALITY of the church. This is often why creative ideas are released to unbelievers because the church that is caught up with political mindsets, fighting for people to be voted for the wrong reasons, thinking that legislation can bring about revival.
• We need to be delivered from this political mindset without losing the sense of righteous decision and responsibility in tha nation's affairs.
• Somehow, we need to give thanks to embrace everyone without embracing what they believe or stand for.
• God's general will for us is to live in peace. WHY? Peaceble lives among believers will bring in the biggest harvest. Jesus is the desire of the nations. It's time for his BODY to be the desire of the nations. Stable and godly lifestyles will attract harvest.
• A nation will always end up with the government they deserve. Always. [because of the transgression of a land, many are it's princes Prov 28:2]. The more the sin of the land, the bigger the government. It is man's answer to sin.
• Witchcraft starts off as a sin of the flesh rather than something demonic. Witchcraft is wanting power without being in submission. Manipulation and control. It ends up as a demonic stronghold. [Flies are attracted to decay. Sins of the flesh attract the demonic]
• Prov 21:1 The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases. But God is waiting for intercessors, not accusers.

My prize!!

I had a great time on the weekend. I think I've forgotten the value of having a good night out. I attended the Masquerade Ball organised by NG with a couple of Eurekan lifegroup mates. Was a blast! Well. Mainly because of the baby above...my new baby!!

It was the prize for winning the best-dressed competition! Well. Honestly, I didin't really think I was outstanding. It was a decent outfit and mask[pictures will come when Messias passes them to me], but there were more creative ones. However, the tables voted. And this baby is mine!

I thank God for providing something like that. For a while, I have been praying and asking God for more affordable ways to obtain small things. Like an ipod to store more music and a generally trusty compact digital camera, laptop etc. They are small but pricey. I don't earn much. I do what I can with the money and try to save for a rainy day, as well as give to the Lord's work, and still try to enjoy life.

Jehovah Jireh he is indeed! My awesome friends provided the camera. The ipod has fallen into my hands through favour. My still awesomer friends are lending me their cars. Really, what more can one ask for?

It's been such a tough week. Struggled so much spiritually trying to fight off attacks of anger, despondency and discouragement. Just going out with good friends, dancing [learning the cha cha and just simpleround the circle dancing was great fun!], good meals, dressing up was just relaxing to the mind and soul. Should remember to do it more often.

Of course. I just invested into a heap of books in Koorong. Had a great trip and breakfast with Kev, Nat and Ravi...my Saturday breakfast buddies. Reading John Piper now. It's starting to convict. OUCH. But GOOD OUCH. Hope to move in deeper with God this new season.

Special thanks to 2 brothers who have been so generous to me and to the household as well. Thanks for the cars, the concern, the servanthood, the love and the jokes. And thanks also to YY and LL for the fixing of the hot water system!

Of course, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to SOPHIA. May God bless you heaps and draw you closer to Him and into your destiny. Love lots. XX. Haha.......XX

Thursday night again

Thursday night reflections.

In the future, I want to publish a book. Not written by me. But written by all those people around me who's stories have inspired me. A little short story for each of them. It will be so cool if their stories can be shared.

I've been reflecting about heaven. The coolest thing about it will not be the streets of gold or even no pain and suffering. It will be the absolute intimacy and transparency we will have with God and with each other. I will be able to see your heart, and you can see mine. And we will enjoy each other and learn more and more without hiding anything. Without masks.

I hate hiding. Yet so many things have a need to be concealed. Because people misunderstand. Because we need to be 'wise'. Because we are ashamed. Because we don't know how to express ourselves. I don't know. A million reasons.

I hate hiding. I hate hiding. But true true intimacy is hard to find. True understanding rare.

That's why I really appreciate Rach and Nat at the moment. But the only way they could have provided this understanding and maturity and this trasnparency is because of the tough tough things they've had to go through. Thank you my beautiful friends and also edifiers.

Thanking God

Torchie challenged us to make a list of things to thank God for.

I'll make a little one first.

I thank God for:

• Being alive and having no major ailments
• Great parents who are godly, non-supestitious, loving and supportive
• Great functional family
• A job that is not heavily affected by the economic down-turn
• Living in a spacious first-world country
• The gifts and talents he has graciously bestowed
• That there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. He does not hold my many failures against me
• The people he has put around me

There are a million other things. That will do for the moment.

Thank God for you people

I feel a little better. Having long walks, and a fun games night with a couple of Eurekans has helped.

Or perhaps I know that it is ok to experience highs and lows after doing so many new things.

Thank you Rach for the prayer and catch ups. Thank you Phil and Sharon for the dinner and the lifts and good will. Thank you Nat for the long chat and the dinner on Friday. She told me she really missed me while I was away. That she was glad I was back.

It was great to know some people missed me while I was away. It's great to know that I matter to someone. That my presence would make a difference in someone's life...especially in their day to day routine. It's easy for people to say you make a difference in their lives, but honestly, if I died today, most people's lives would go on like normal. They might have a jolt for a day or 2, but after that, the presence of Charis is not really indispensable or anything they can't do without. They won't really miss it, to be brutally honest. (Well, I think that only my parents would really care and think often about it. haha. They are my parents after all).

Well, there was one more person that made me feel very much welcome back. You know who you are. Thank you for remembering me during the conference and buying the mp3's for me to listen to. Thank you for fasting and praying for me during the trip. For calling. For messaging to show how glad you were I was back. Thanks. I am quite touched.

Perhaps it's just bittersweet. Because there are those whose call and messages I am waiting for. That will just make my day. But it's not going to happen. I have become....someone that is non-essential in their lives. It takes some getting used to. But not something I haven't faced before.

This too shall pass.

Whinge..

I'm tired of my housemates using the internet quota WEEKS before the deadline due to their incessant watching of online videos and movies. It's annoying the first time, it's frustrating the 2nd time, but after many times, it's a real thorn in the flesh.

I just want my web access to be at a normal speed so I can access Facebook, websites, email, and podcasts at a reasonable speed. I don't use much quota, so I am already paying more than my share each month.

I'm a little tired of people who brush it off and ask for forgiveness but do nothing to change their habits. How much of your life do you want to waste away in front of the tv and computer? Perhaps you're not really sorry. You just want me to smile, brush every irresponsible thing that you do off, and move on like I always do. Because I always love you anyway. Because I always think about your welfare anyway. Because I ache to see you in this place of life. Because I can't do anything about it as it's your lives.

I'm just a little tired.

This too shall pass.

Restless

I'm not really in the mood to blog about Taiwan. In summary, it was full of God-moments and opportunities, and it was amazing to see how God is moving there. The food is excellent. the shopping wonderful. My hosts were so generous and kind. My dad's company really enriching and I learned a lot.

But...yet...

Prophetic words of encouragement have come streaming in right after I returned to Australia. Perhaps God knows how low I am right now. Or how much I am struggling with my next few steps.

I'm struggling to view things with anticipation. If I walk straight ahead, it will be a new beginning. Like the visions describe, the world is my oyster. It's time to take over the world, God's way. Time to expand. Time to be transplanted. God has paved the way. God is holding on to me. Time to jump off the flying fox. Time to let God clear the road. Time to launch ministries and musical careers.

Sounds great.

Except all I can think about is what I'll be losing. 7 years of history...who knows what will happen to it. The earth keeps turning. People change. All the rich friendships and the wide open spaces...the familiarity, the feeling of home. It has taken me years to settle down. I can't believe that I might be leaving again. I faced this possibility for 3 years, but this time, God seems to have orchestrated things so well...Can I not walk ahead?

Another city. Another country. Another church. Another place to live and feel muddled with the culture and transport systems. Another tax system. Another political system.

And a completely Chinese culture. Argh. Can one run away from one's heritage? For some, yes. For me, apparently not. Well, if the Korean missionaries and the Brazilian missionaries can do it, why can't I?

There's an unspeakable feeling of loss and ache in my heart right now. Perhaps it could have been avoided if I had been wiser. But I can't seem to stop looking back, again and again. Reading through old emails throughout the years. Old cards.

I have always ended up saying yes to the call, eventually. I don't know how much more one heart can take though....

Listening to Joanna Wang. Uninspired. Lovely voice...such talent in that voice. But the song writing, production...it's jaded, cynical and depressing. Hmm...

This too shall pass.