Been busy but I'm getting stronger!

I've been heaps busy.

Just got back from seminar. Everything is happening so fast. I'll be leaving so very soon. A little bit more than a month.

It's been very tough to plan this farewell album launch. Sometimes I wonder if I should have just quietly left without making too much of a fuss. It would have been a lot more peaceful and less stressful. But then, that's not like me. HAH.

It's not easy trying to get everyone to support something not obviously to do with church or has a 'christian' tag on it. It's not easy to impart my heartbeat to everyone. But that will come with time. I myself need to be clearer about what I'm supposed to do. The big picture is clear. But the details are hazy.

Just a few questions that everyone has been asking me lately that I think I should try to answer.

What will you do in Taiwan?

I don't know ppl. God - willing I'll be a recording artist that sells tons of records and lands heaps of endorsements and writes lots of songs and works with lots of good musos. I'll be a Christ representative in the industry. I'll get to know the culture in Taiwan. I'll improve my Mandarin and Chinese. I'll rise up to an influential voice. I'll serve in a church there. I'll get to evangelize and be prophetic in ways the masses do not expect. I'll get to eat lots of good food!

Will you be sad to leave Australia?

I have spent 1.5 years mourning about not wanting to leave my 2nd home . I think I've stopped since September. There's no point in drowning out all the joy I'm supposed to have in a new adventure. I'm not ecstatic at the moment, but I'm not depressed. I'm too busy juggling work and recording, marketing, farewelling, and planning.

Do you have a job and accomodation in Taiwan?

No. I don't have anything fixed up yet. But I'm not stressed about it. God will provide. Having a place to stay and having money for basic survival is probably the least of the mountains I have to face atm. I did try to save up this year to fund

Will you come back to Australia? How long will you stay in Taiwan?

Again, I don't know ppl. My dad says, I should give it at least 3 years to have major break-through in the venture. I do want to return to Australia. I might have to to finish up my PR stay.But that is in God's hands.

At the moment, I'm Abraham. Running off and not quite sure where I'm going and not sure what the Promiseland is like. But I am going in peace and faith that God is leading me. And the road is weird and not often taken. But that's why faith is needed.

Thanks to all who've been so supportive so far and have unconditionally lent their shoulders to carry the burden.

I love you all. And I wish I had more resources to appreciate you all.

Thoughts before I crash into bed

1. Love Eureka. The people are refreshingly honest, imperfect, and unpretentious. And they are the most loving ppl I've met. The diversity in Eureka satisfies my heart that loves such variety because it represents the multi-faceted world of humans made in God's image!
2. I am not a Calvinist, nor would I call myself Reformed. However, that does not stop me from being friends and co-labourers with those call themselves Calvinist or Reformed. I notice that they are usually really intelligent ppl. They are usually guys. They also really need to build up their relational skills. :P
3. I am most grateful to Rachelle for continually giving me opportunities to prophesy and to encourage me to bless others with the giftings God has given me. Rachelle! You are so pastoral, yet you are prophetic in the way you release ppl in their destinies! 100 hugs to Rachelle.
4. I think Nat is the intense prophetic-intercessory type. That's why she looks scary but is actually not HAHAHA. She's actually very funny. 100 hugs to Nat.
5. I think Phil is so great in the way he believes in people. He trully brings out the potential in ppl by genuinely treating them according to their potential. He calls me 'superstar' enough, and serves the vision so whole-heartedly that I think I'm starting to believe it can happen. He calls Peggy an 'expert' in image and 'feel'. She doesn't really believe it yet, but I think if she lets herself, she will be one. I really get inspired because I want to see ppl with such eyes too!
6. Loooong day tomorrow. But thank God for 2 K's, Karen and Kuan who are being very kind to a muso who has no transport.xoxo
7. WHY? the car has issues...boohoo...second hand cars are really problematic....:( No wonder Alvin used to have issues with his 5k car all the time. But....it's been a very great blessing to me already so I won't complain. Thanks Ming.And I will try to be good to the car.
8. I also want to thank Johnnie Ongstar. He's been so patient with all the work I'm piling on him and also giving me really good ideas. Maybe one hug to John. He doesn't like hugs.
9. I believe in a God who is sovereign, yet in his sovereignty he has allowed humans to choose and to have a will of their own. Because He, being love, wants to be loved in returned. If you 'program' people to love you, it will not be love anymore. He values love so much that he will risk the chance of ppl hating, or not loving him, so that there will be the genuine opportunity for ppl to love Him. Although He is God and all-powerful and He is awe-inspiring, and all would fall flat on their faces if He showed up in His glory, YET, He wants to be loved as who He is. He wants to get married to a GLORIOUS bride. He is SO smart and powerful that He will still accomplish his purpose while He allows humans to choose, incorporating sin and destruction in His plans by redeeming the wreckage. I believe that He does not want anyone to perish. He is patient for EVERYONE to come to repentance. That's why He is still waiting for us to fulfill his commission.
10. Charis is tired. Good night. God is good.

I will not stay in my comfort zone

I am attending the Daniel care group tonight.

Then, I will decide where to go.

I do love Judah.

But I do see the pointers of leaving Judah to join the Daniels.

I will not stay in my comfort zone.

27th Feb 2004

I was browsing through some old journal entries. I documented my first few days in Brisbane. My first few weeks.

I attended Judah 1. However, I remember Chia Yen suggesting that I should visit the Daniels in the city as my uni

campus was based in the city. I remember visiting Daniel 1 lifegroup, then I prayed over it with Edna, and we felt the peace to

change over to the 'other side'.

This move probably changed my life forever. I remember God challenging me not to stay among people who were more

similar to me, but to constantly challenge myself to push past my comfort zone in life.

My life has been characterized by these moves out of my comfort zone. From Malaysia to Adelaide. From Adelaide to

Brisbane. From Judah to Daniels. From Daniel 1 to Daniel 5. From Daniel 5 to Daniel X[focusing on GU rather than QUT].

From Daniel X to Eureka. Now from Australia into Taiwan and the unknown.

This move is one of the hardest I've made. I've agonized for about 1 year. I've lacked faith so many times. But I'm at a

place of relative peace. God is the Lion of Judah. He holds all authority in his hands. He is a God who has the best plans

for me. He is my shepherd, as he promised through prophetic words. I will endeavour to experience the joy amidst the

wracking sorrow of uprooting once again.

Thank heaven for the one who will never leave me nor forsake me.

Temperaments

It's interesting to re-do temperament tests once in a while.

My main 3 temperaments are Sanguine, Melancholic and Choleric.

I was born a Sanguine. Bubbly, chatty, impulsive, adorable [:)], careless, friendly, VERY extroverted, forgetful and 'hangat hangat tahi ayam'[started things, but wouldn't finish them].

I think life...especially moving overseas and being on my own a lot has helped me follow-through with projects and goals a lot better, enhancing my choleric side. And trouble/heartbreak has made me a lot more melancholic, though being melancholic is not my natural nature.

I've come out as a Sanguine-Choleric, Sanguine Mel-Chol, Sanguine Mel etc. Just never Phlegmatic. :)

This time, I've turned out Choleric-Sanguine. I think the little description somewhat paints a picture about me at the moment.

My results for 2009: TADA

The Choleric / Sanguine

The choleric-sanguine is a blending of the two extroverted temperaments and will be somewhat less extraverted than the sanguine-choleric, because the choleric’s extraversion often takes a back-seat to his goal-oriented behavior. Nonetheless, this temperament combination is second only to the sanguine-choleric in terms of being outgoing and people-oriented. This temperament mix tends to give rise to an enthusiastic, motivational, and highly driven leader (choleric) whose social skills and interest in other people (sanguine nature) make him less dictatorial and capable of some flexibility. He will value relationships more than a pure choleric, and will show greater compassion in dealing with people, will be less controlling than the pure choleric, and will be more willing to take time out to relax and enjoy himself.

If you are a choleric-sanguine, you will find that you have a great amount of energy and inspiration for initiating projects and can be highly focused on task completion as well. Although you tend to be very objective, pragmatic, and logical -- and may sometimes find yourself stepping on toes in the process of accomplishing the task at hand -- you will also have the interpersonal skills needed to resolve conflict and to help people work together and get along with one another. The creativity and sensitivity of your sanguine nature will enable you to be flexible when the situation calls for it, and less demanding and harsh than a pure choleric would tend to be. You are likely an energetic leader or manager, with superb debating skills: firmly convinced that you are right, you also have the “people-skills” necessary to convince others as well!

Without strong formation and a deep spiritual life, however, your temperament’s weaknesses will be intensified. Without attention to self-formation you may find yourself quickly aroused to anger, yet also unforgiving. You can be impatient with others and overly opinionated. You may speak frankly or impulsively without regard for others’ feelings. You should take care that you become neither a workaholic nor driven by your passions. You may insist on having your own way, and become angered, blame others, or make excuses when corrected. But, once you become aware of the weaknesses of your nature, and make a commitment to self-improvement, you will be able to be equally determined in pursuing self-formation.

If your temperament is choleric-sanguine, for a better understanding of your temperament it is recommended that you read the full descriptions of the choleric and sanguine.

7 reasons why Jesus could not have been a pastor in a modern church

For a great post on this by Perry Noble , click here

One more for Jesus and other dreams!

Today, I led one more soul to Jesus. This year, God has really been opening the doors among the kids that I teach. It's a privilege to input little things about God in each lesson, and invite some of them after class to receive Jesus into their hearts.

Today it was a 9-year-old girl who had a hunger for God. Praise the Lord! May God continue to keep her and

Other breaking news [hehehe, it's Charis's 12.36am news]:

1. Charis has been really thinking about lots of things
2. Charis really wants to win a Grammy in her life-time for Song of the Year
3. Charis wants to sell albums past the one million mark
4. It's a step of faith to say that out loud...or write it out loud.
5. Charis is really excited about the coming Eureka camp and the prophetic presbytery for church! BreakThrough!!
6. Charis thinks Bill Johnson's sermon 'Burn the Towel' was totally enriching and faith fuelling and REAL!
7. Charis also likes Kris Vallaton's old sermon: 'God, the ultimate Body Snatcher'. SO many great great points.

7 is a complete number.

Good night!

From the depths....

I was browsing through my friend's blog....Jason. It's been a while since we've been in contact.
Hope to see him and Wee Liem when I go abck to M'sia for a holiday.

Hope to see Miranda too. It's been ages. Miss her!

Miss my house and household. Dorcas would be heaps tall now.

Miss the food...been dreaming about belacan fried chicken, kangkong stir-fried with chilli, sizzling plate tofu, and ha-ko [little lobsters] fried with egg yolk. ARGHHHHHHHHHH...can't wait to eat all of these things!

But..today...this struck me. Jason blogged about dreams.

This is a partial post of his, that was actually referenced from ANOTHER friend's blog:

As taking reference from a good friend, only our dreams reveal the deepest secrets of our hearts that remain hidden even to ourselves sometimes.

Lately, I can recall most of my dreams when I wake up. And these dreams showed me what my heart desire, minus all my intellectual thinking...these dreams really showed me how I felt at that moment when it happen. Some sad,that I cried. Some happy dreams, only to wake up knowing it is just a dream.
But I know I am losing what I cant keep in the 1st place.
I will cling on to the only hope I have in You, knowing that You have the best plans for me in life. Just help me to believe despite the circumstances.

http://tzeseong.blogspot.com/

those dreams, the gnashing of teeth, the sorrow, so bitter and deep...how does it feel to be abandoned?
how does it feel eh? Somehow, no matter how I try, I can't seem to shake of that uncanny feeling of being treated 2nd class for so many years.

Nevertheless, now i stand by my own.
I chart my own journey now.
The weight of adulthood rest like an enormous burden upon this shoulders, heavier than the PRS i so often sling.

I know what they mean. Their writings resonate within my soul. i've been having so many odd dreams. Some of them I clench my fist at because I do not want to dream of those particular people, yet I have no control over it. I feel like it's so unfair, because I have put those people out of my mind so long ago. My dreams sometimes bring them back.

And I loathe and revile the feeling of abandonment and rejection. Of misunderstanding. Of betrayal. It is probably the very thing that gives me the drive to keep steady, to keep cool, guarded, and never too emotional in public. WORK, even though your heart is breaking. SERVE, even though your life is falling apart. Life GOES ON. And no one will really bother about another nut-case who is in unexplainable pain.
Taking my mom's advice for once. I'm not going to wear my heart on my sleeve. Seems like I've succeeded. A few comments have drifted back to me, people think I'm poker-faced, reserved and self-protective. Aged, not care-free.

Yet it breaks out in the sub-conscious. All these feelings, desires, thoughts...

And Adulthood does weigh heavy. Feel like it's sapping the fun and the vitality out of me, because I'm struggling to survive all the time, and it ages me. I don't want to grow old before my time. I don't want to grow sour just because I'm growing up. I want life, ABUNDANT LIFE.

God is still good. I am actually valuing this time of getting to know Him. And if He is sifting all these things up from the depths of my heart, I need His grace to face them courageously though it crushes to my ego.