Charismatic

Yup. I managed to get T to sing with me. A very very rare occurrence because he seems to think his voice sounds terrible. Whereas I think he sounds decent :P. With more practice he'd be awesome.  But I totally understand. I started off as a piano/keys player that ventured into singing because I wanted to interpret my own songs (and also because I just liked singing. Lots of people do). I remember shaking when I auditioned to do a minor in jazz voice during the second year of my degree. I am quite sure I sounded 'bleaty', shaky and quite horrible. But my voice lecturers were the kindest souls in the world who encouraged me every step of the way, even during the audition. I remember one of them, Irene gave me a huge hug right after I sang because she could see how terrified I was.  Singing can be so vulnerable. If people don't like your voice, it's very hard to shrug it off because you can't really change a part of you. It's easy to take rejection...

Good to reminded of these simple principles of godly success. BEING SUCCESSFUL IS: 1. Loving well - First and second commandment: Loving God and loving people. If we don't get this right, we have missed the point of our lives. Application: Am I loving the people around me well. 2. Partnering with truth Application: Destroying false mental strongholds. Taking captive every thought that exalts itself against the knowledge of Christ. Not agreeing with any subtle lie or conforming to culture. Remembering: God does not speak in fear. 3. Giving what I have Application: Who He is and what He has done inside of us is meant to be given away. Freely we have received, freely give.  4. Doing my best (not someone's best) Application: Not everyone is created the same.  We were never meant to do the same things. We don't the same capabilities, experiences and background. Do the best that I can do. Not someone else's best.  5. Faithful with what I've been given Appl...

莫名其妙飛到聖地亞哥（飛到這兒才知道San Diego 中文叫聖地亞哥） 莫名其妙感覺好難過 難道我有的還不夠嗎？ 愛情，金錢，機會不缺 為何心中還是有莫名其妙的哀傷？為什麼還是會與別人比較？為什麼那麼容易陷入絕望？ （還好這種哀傷也是寫歌的衝動～一口氣就寫了一首芭樂歌....） 主啊，我難過。可是難過得廷開心的。聽起來矛盾嗎？這就是我。情緒矛盾？ 為什麼難過？你最知道。你最懂我。 (诗篇 42:5 ) 我的心啊！你为何沮丧？为何烦躁？要仰望上帝，因为我还要赞美祂——我的救主，我的上帝。

Let's go back all the way to March when T proposed, shall we? Honestly, I already sensed it was coming because we were going to leave for Australia in a week and he had planned to propose before then. However, he put a lot of thought into it and I appreciated the effort with all my heart! We were out on a simple dinner date. He had already given the keys to a  couple of life group friends who were in the know. Their job was to decorate the place with whatever T had already purchased beforehand. T then asked me to swing by his place, and when we entered the place was all aglow… The gals had done a fantabulous job with the decor!  "Marry me" and a heart of candles. Petals everywhere. He knelt Most importantly a bunch of people burst out from behind with their phones and cameras I was laughing, not crying… It wasn't easy to absorb what was happening around me, and respond in a ecstatic manner.  I said yes after his spee...

I have been 'cursed' with 'caring'. I wish I didn't care about so many things, but I do. The craziness online recently about different controversial issues in Taiwan have been rather overwhelming for me. My heart is in a state of grief. Feel burdened almost everyday for the past few weeks.  Haven't said much on Facebook. Haven't expressed too many views. I still believe that it's more beneficial to observe, to listen, to find out more. to compare, to quietly form a well-balanced view with a firm foundation. It's been even more tough than usual for me to wade through all the noise online, because it's all in Chinese. My speed in reading Chinese has improved in leaps and bounds over the past few years, but it's still a million miles behind my English reading.  I have only stated 2 views online: One, I abhor and detest online trolling, anonymous phone threats of violence, and any other underhanded, cowardly way of expressing displeasure...

I have a fortnight's 'breather'. 'Breather' is in quotation marks because the time spent working needs to be productively spent on preparing for more work. Hah. That is why I am still on the computer at 1.30am.  My 'breather' is due to the fact that the Nanchang show for David Tao was unexpectedly cancelled less than a week before the show date. And, I have also finished all my vocal recording for hymnal album (unless there are some backing vocals I have to do). It's quite interesting to myself that I've barely sung any backing vocal parts for this album. A very 'unplugged' way of arranging and recording the music. I have 2 weeks to relax, supposedly. But I've been trying to organize my next few months. Two months. It's a very short time to pump out a full length album. But I'm relishing the process and I'm not too stressed. It's a blessing to be able to have someone provide the funds to record an acoustic hymnal ...

Lord After watching the first Seraphim episode that I was given a chance to work on, I cringed a lot and thank you that it is by Your grace that I am given opportunities to work on such great projects at all. I am really not the best singer, especially when I am busy band-leading and playing piano and keyboard. I was out of tune a lot in the last bits. The quality of my own voice grates on my own ears. But Lord, You are the one who has led me forward, given me favour I didn't earn, and also pushed me out of my comfort zone to learn even more. I think I sing in tune live a little more constantly now after 1 year, Lord. And I can handle bigger arrangements. I am not the best piano player by far, but still, You have made a pathway in the wilderness for me. Thank You. I still cringe at myself. But I will keep trusting that You will lead me on, and I will keep improving. Thank You for being the one who always encouraged me to sing, to play and to write. Thank you for tailori...

Eva, one of the first people I met in Taiwan [on holiday 2009] The meal was her shout. HUGZZ Pesto chicken risotto. It's the yums! Fettucine with prawns and cream sauce Mojito - <3 my cocktails Layered cake Feeling so much better today. Thank God for friends who remind you of God's grace in beautiful ways.  One of the reasons I love my church is because it's full of people who understand and dispense God's grace. I've never heard condemnation and accusations. I've never heard my church friends around criticize other christians [though I've heard other ppl from other churches do it]. I hear honest feedback if one needs to change and grow. But they exude grace, love and authenticity.  I was whining to Eva today about how success seems to comes so easily for some people, and they don't seem to need to try very hard at all (e.g. mainly thinking about a pair of twins). Recently, one of them got married, an...

...is part and parcel of this industry or even ministry.  A few incidents stand out. Last year, I remember being asked to sing lead vocals 2 songs for a Christian album. I wasn't feeling too comfortable about it, because the keys were on the high side. But the producer said that it wasn't possible to change the key of the song, because this was the key the church wanted to sing in. After finishing one session for them, the producer called me and said I was not needed for the other song. The church felt that my voice was not 'church' enough. It was too 'pop' for them. Whatever that meant.  When the CD was finally done (and a copy was given to me. Free CD's are generally given to people involved in the album), I saw that they had supplemented the track I sang on with another male lead vocalist. It was obvious that I had been found wanting.... It stung. Although it was never my ambition in any way to be a 'church'-ey singer, it still stung when people...

This is Jeremy Lin, the latest hot topic on Facebook and on the Taiwanese news. I've seen Jeremy Lin in KevJumba's videos last year. I wasn't too interested in the fact that he was an NBA player for the Golden State Warriors, because basketball has never been a remote interest of mine. But I did notice that he seemed like a pretty devout christian.  I wasn't too impressed when everyone on FB started posting about Jeremy because it is so easy to get caught up in hype and forget it a week later. And Jeremy is o-so-cool now to everyone because he scored 25 points for the New York Knicks. To be honest, I felt a bit turned off. I was asking inside, where was everyone when he didn't score 25 points? He was probably at his greatest when he was trusting God while he was sitting on the bench. I didn't want to post about him, because I felt it was shallow.  But I found out that before Jeremy was absolutely hot stuff, GOOD TV already did an interview on him last year. S...

2011 was a remarkable year but also terribly stressful year. As I reflect upon last year, I realize that the most common emotion I experienced was a sickening paralysis at every cross-road. And there were so many crossroads. Still more to come. One of the main contributing factors to this paralysis was because I was trying to do too many things, trying to be too many 'personas' at one time. There were constant tug-of-wars for my attention. My mind often felt defragmented because every pathway pulled in different directions. Be a fully Chinese artist? Be a bi-lingual artist? Be an independent English artist? Work the youtube thing? Move into China websites? HOW do China websites work? Should I keep pursuing being a professional musician? Is it possible to be an artist AND a musician? Is there time for both? Why is my ego getting in the way of so many things? Why am I trying to be something that feels so unnatural at the moment?? Is there any practical use for a bunch of songs...

I am not a person who has ever been very comfortable in my own skin. Identity has always been a source of great struggle for me. The different facets of being Malaysian, being Chinese, being Oriental....they've always 'bothered' me. Of course, there are so many other sub-cultures...growing up in a Northern Malaysian Chinese culture, "Keat Hwa" school culture, volleyball team culture, orchestra culture etc. Then, there is Christianity and the all the millions of subcultures around the faith. Thinking about them makes me grow dizzy. I'd rather not.  There's a lot of tension or be in a melting pot of cultures. What makes it worse: my tendency to really want EVERYBODY to like me. People pleaser. I try to be everything and I try to be cool. And usually, it doesn't work. I meant to post about this ages ago, but I was too lazy to unravel all these complicated thoughts. Watching this video today made the tangle of thoughts about identity resurface again....

A couple of things stay constant wherever I go. Can't seem to escape them. God - As my producer said, it runs in your blood. You can't run away from Him without cutting off your lifeline. The kingdom/church - Community of people that love you and sometimes hurt you but will be with you till eternity Music - It is part of who I am, no matter how sick of the whole thing I grow to be sometimes Jazz - Somehow, from teachers, to friends, I keep bumping into ppl who got me interested in jazz and keep me interested in jazz when I wander off for a little while. Evangelism - A large part of my calling. Definitely not something  I chose initially. Funny how God activated that gifting.

I'm really close to being 26. Scares me a little. I'm in my mid-twenties heading towards the "late-twenties" period. And what have I done with my life? Moved house and really wish my things could pop into their places with a snap just like Mary Poppins. Lord I just pray that you'll keep me in the centre of your will, always.

 哥林多前書 9：24－27   24  豈 不 知 在 場 上 賽 跑 的 都 跑 ， 但 得 獎 賞 的 只 有 一 人 ？  你 們 也 當 這 樣 跑 ， 好 叫 你 們 得 著 獎 賞 。   25  凡 較 力 爭 勝 的 ， 諸 事 都 有 節 制 ， 他 們 不 過 是 要 得 能 壞 的 冠 冕 ；  我 們 卻 是 要 得 不 能 壞 的 冠 冕 。   26  所 以 ， 我 奔 跑 不 像 無 定 向 的 ； 我 鬥 拳 不 像 打 空 氣 的 。   27  我 是 攻 克 己 身 ， 叫 身 服 我 ， 恐 怕 我 傳 福 音 給 別 人 ， 自 己 反 被 棄 絕 了  暫時找不到毅力～還蛮辛苦的。真的 覺得自己太容易動搖或猶豫不決。 要在哪裡找到 可以讓自己走下去的 力量而且又不讓自己妥協原來的異像？

Deut 1:21 See, the LORD your God has given you the land. Go up and take possession of it as the LORD, the God of your fathers, told you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deut 31:8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." 2 Chron 15: 7  But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded." There are many more. Looks like humans freak out a lot. Well, yes. Life freaks me out. Perhaps I think too much. But the last 2 years have freaked me out heaps. I always seem to be standing at the edge of a cliff and there's no where to go but forward. What I see in front of me makes me want to run screaming backward, or jump off, or divert. But there's no where to go. To jump...

Check out Sting's gem of a song HERE . Jazz lovers would also appreciate Branford Marsalis's gorgeou-licious saxophone lines!! Lyrics:  "Englishman in New York" I don't drink coffee I take tea my dear I like my toast done on one side And you can hear it in my accent when I talk I'm an Englishman in New York See me walking down Fifth Avenue A walking cane here at my side I take it everywhere I walk I'm an Englishman in New York I'm an alien I'm a legal alien I'm an Englishman in New York I'm an alien I'm a legal alien I'm an Englishman in New York If, "Manners maketh man" as someone said Then he's the hero of the day It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile Be yourself no matter what they say I'm an alien I'm a legal alien I'm an Englishman in New York I'm an alien I'm a legal alien I'm an Englishman in New York Modesty, propriety can lead to notoriety You could end up as the only one...

Because He Lives, by the Chua sisters!! This time, I roped in Liz, Feebs and Dorcas to join me in this little ditty. It has been great to hang out and chill with family during this Christmas season. Mentally, I was in dire need of a break from my Taipei lifestyle. November was pretty bad: frequent insomnia, lingering 2-month-old cough, random heart palpitations etc. Although the workload was not that heavy, but the stress of my uncertain future, odd hours, as well as the very kooky personalities one has to deal with each day caused me to mentally stretched till almost breaking point.  I'm back in Taipei in a few days. Breathing very deep before plunging into 2011. Honestly, I sometimes just wanna scream and run away. My scared self is very scared... 2011 is crunch time in many ways and I'm wondering if I have enough passion and drive to last this whole journey. But I wanted to sing this song to remind myself, because Jesus lives, I can face tomorrow, one day at a time. No ma...

Current favourite songs:  If it kills me (acoustic) - Jason Mraz Thinking of you - Katy Perry Offbeat - Clara Chung Together - Kinna Grannis Glory - Jaeson Ma I have become and i-Tunes -er. A random downloader of singles instead of a buyer of albums. Argh. Sometimes, I wonder if I should be a producer/arranger instead of an artist just because I love all kinds of styles. Being an artist limits the genres you can dabble in. Sigh. Being an i-Tunes-er won't help!! More access to even more kinds of music!!! Of course, I do lean towards a number of styles. Acoustic, Soul, Jazz-pop, Alternative piano-pop, Jazz, Old RnB etc. Still. Sigh. How does one find a niche? FOCUS!

...That's when I'm grumpy and pessimistic. I have a ton of work to do. But I've been procrastinating. And I haven't been able to focus. And I feel torn in bits wondering where to sink my roots, if I should sink my roots anywhere at all. Of course everyone wants you to invest in them and commit to them. But that doesn't mean I should. My shoulders and back are very very tight and I need a good remedial massage or the headaches are going to continue. I need a desk. I need a chair with a good back. I need an audio interface and the works. Most of all, I need motivation.