"What's intimacy?" my dear sheep Jessica asked me at shepherding 2 weeks ago. I was bemused. She doesn't know what intimacy is? Well, do I really know what intimacy is? Hmm. Anyway, I explained Intimacy with God as having a close relationship with God and KNOWING God.
I went home and started to think. For more than a year, God has been calling me to intimacy with Him. "Walk with me, talk with me, dance with me, eat with me, draw near to me". Prophecy after prophecy. Seriously, I have yet to realise the fullness of God's love. I don't think I have that conviction of his overwhelming love yet. Getting there. But I'm praying for breakthrough. This God who loves me so overwhemingly, whose actions always show me utmost care and grace. WHY don't I feel it more? WHY doesn't my brain register it?
Perhaps I haven't walked close enough.
This God has been so incredibly encouraging and patient. He's never been rough with my sensitive emotions, with my easily discouraged spirit these 2 year, never heavy handed, always bringing hope even when I feel deserve to be HIT hard by lightning.
I'm a mixture of incredibly soft and incredibly stubborn. Only God knows how to deal with such a contradiction. Confident, yet ridiculously low in self-esteem in certain areas. Bold, yet afraid. Passionate, yet complacent. Etc.
God. My Lord and my God.
I tried today. I walked with You. I cried to You. I prayed to You. And abunch of other things with You.
Whatever it is, please, just let me be in the center of Your will for my life, just like Papa always prayed for himself, and for me.
I went home and started to think. For more than a year, God has been calling me to intimacy with Him. "Walk with me, talk with me, dance with me, eat with me, draw near to me". Prophecy after prophecy. Seriously, I have yet to realise the fullness of God's love. I don't think I have that conviction of his overwhelming love yet. Getting there. But I'm praying for breakthrough. This God who loves me so overwhemingly, whose actions always show me utmost care and grace. WHY don't I feel it more? WHY doesn't my brain register it?
Perhaps I haven't walked close enough.
This God has been so incredibly encouraging and patient. He's never been rough with my sensitive emotions, with my easily discouraged spirit these 2 year, never heavy handed, always bringing hope even when I feel deserve to be HIT hard by lightning.
I'm a mixture of incredibly soft and incredibly stubborn. Only God knows how to deal with such a contradiction. Confident, yet ridiculously low in self-esteem in certain areas. Bold, yet afraid. Passionate, yet complacent. Etc.
God. My Lord and my God.
I tried today. I walked with You. I cried to You. I prayed to You. And abunch of other things with You.
Whatever it is, please, just let me be in the center of Your will for my life, just like Papa always prayed for himself, and for me.
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