I was chatting with a dear friend yesterday night. The conversation made me realise something. I am a workaholic. It's my way of escape.
Some people binge on food[lots of girls do]. Some drink themselves silly. Some watch TV and dramas all day. Some listen to emo music. What does Charis do? WORK.WORK herself silly.
It's not as crazy as it sounds at first. It's not even as good as it sounds at first.:). I might look very hardworking. Very Motivated. Very Driven. Well, I wasn't always like that. I was pretty sanguine as a child. I liked fun. I wasn't driven though I was very active in many things thanks to the exposure my parents gave me to the arts and to church. Things changed along the way. I needed to find my happiness through something[when I wasn't right with God]. It slowly became achievement, results and WORK.
For the past 4 years, i've often worked myself to the bone. The more stressed and the lower the self-esteem, the more I worked. That's why I barely do a thing when I am back home for the holidays.[i don't practise. i don't work for money. I don't do my account again and again. I hate cleaning and avoid like crazy]. That's when I'm relaxed, happy, and I don't have to prove myself because my parents love me to bits.
it's a different thing out on my own. It's hard to find anyone who loves you to bits forever. It's hard to feel safe and looked after.
So I WORK and WORK for money. I look for more jobs.
I wake up and instantly I start cleaning the house and the room.
I cook.
I do the laundry with incessant vigour and with a lot of speed so I can do more things.
I do my accounts almost every 2-3 days, toting up all my money.
I used to pile up more ministries.
I used to force practice.
Anything to feel productive.
When I'm unhappy, I work even harder, I seem to be even more productive in crisis.
And YES, I was and am productive. These things are GOOD in itself.
BUT, I was listening to Phil Pringle's sermon.
"it's amazing how many substitutes we can find for Jesus". I find it SO hard to rest and turn to Jesus, instead of piling up my schedule with more work. More on the 'to do' list to tick off.
Jesus. When will I learn to just come to you because your yoke is easy and your burden is light?
Teach me.....
Some people binge on food[lots of girls do]. Some drink themselves silly. Some watch TV and dramas all day. Some listen to emo music. What does Charis do? WORK.WORK herself silly.
It's not as crazy as it sounds at first. It's not even as good as it sounds at first.:). I might look very hardworking. Very Motivated. Very Driven. Well, I wasn't always like that. I was pretty sanguine as a child. I liked fun. I wasn't driven though I was very active in many things thanks to the exposure my parents gave me to the arts and to church. Things changed along the way. I needed to find my happiness through something[when I wasn't right with God]. It slowly became achievement, results and WORK.
For the past 4 years, i've often worked myself to the bone. The more stressed and the lower the self-esteem, the more I worked. That's why I barely do a thing when I am back home for the holidays.[i don't practise. i don't work for money. I don't do my account again and again. I hate cleaning and avoid like crazy]. That's when I'm relaxed, happy, and I don't have to prove myself because my parents love me to bits.
it's a different thing out on my own. It's hard to find anyone who loves you to bits forever. It's hard to feel safe and looked after.
So I WORK and WORK for money. I look for more jobs.
I wake up and instantly I start cleaning the house and the room.
I cook.
I do the laundry with incessant vigour and with a lot of speed so I can do more things.
I do my accounts almost every 2-3 days, toting up all my money.
I used to pile up more ministries.
I used to force practice.
Anything to feel productive.
When I'm unhappy, I work even harder, I seem to be even more productive in crisis.
And YES, I was and am productive. These things are GOOD in itself.
BUT, I was listening to Phil Pringle's sermon.
"it's amazing how many substitutes we can find for Jesus". I find it SO hard to rest and turn to Jesus, instead of piling up my schedule with more work. More on the 'to do' list to tick off.
Jesus. When will I learn to just come to you because your yoke is easy and your burden is light?
Teach me.....
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