I've been back for a week now. I've also been back to work for a week. Same old same old. It's nice to poking some dollars into my slim purse again. Don't feel like I'm so broke.
But my focus is different now. 1000 gazillion things rushing through my mind.
It's nice to be back in OZ land. I don't wake up sniffling and blowing my nose every minute. I dove into Pinelands for sushi on the very first evening back. Ah... bliss. My palate loved every minute of the Himawari and Spider rolls and sashimi.
Good to see all the familiar faces in church and lifegroup. Had good fat chats with Peggy, Nat, Rach...Fact: It's hard for me to ever leave Brisbane because all the true and spiritually edifiying friendships I have are mainly here. I've spent most of my adult life here up till now. I wonder how I will cope if I did leave for good. Feel uprooted and floating again? I absolutely hate the feeling of not belonging.
Been trying to discover my inner freedom and childlike-ness again. I accepted an invitation to dance around Mich's house with her. Haha. Gotta get over the self-consciousness. Rediscover sanguine enjoyment of life. Stop planning so much, grasping at every straw of control. It's so stifling.
I've been losing my capacity to love a bit. Trying to let God renew the love I have for life, for people and ultimately for Him. Can't stand just a secondary existence that's not burning with purpose, vision and passion.
God has done a lot to restore vision and purpose. Now, let's add the passion that's simmering somewhere underneath. It's there. During unguarded moments it bursts forth. I've felt so walled in the past year. Walled in by this thing called 'trying to survive'. It's the most life-killing thing.
I've felt buried underneath layers and layers of conventionalism, of 'professionalism' and of suppressed pain.
Let grief and laughter flow. It's time to be vibrant again...so help me God.
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