I've been thinking a lot about dancing. Now that I'm taking lessons, I've been pondering about the 'leadership' of the males and the partnership of the male and female. Nothing seems to illustrate God's plan for marriage and male/female roles than pair dancing or couple ice-skating. Somehow, I have always found that watching a couple dance or ice-skate is far more interesting and beautiful than a solo dancer/skater. The partnership is a really gorgeous thing to watch when it is done seamlessly. Some reflections:
- Someone needs to lead. There can't be 2 leaders in a pair. That would be chaos. And in dancing, it is the male who leads. He is often the one who has to do the hard work of deciding the next move, and guiding the partner into it in a smooth, graceful way.
- In dancing, no one argues the concept of the male leader. No one usually has a problem with the woman submitting to the partner's decisions. Why can't we also treat marriage and male/female roles in the same way?
- Of course, there is no way the male can FORCEFULLY lead the woman in a dance without looking absolutely stupid and horrid. In a proper dance, both parties know the steps really well. They almost make the decision to flow from one step to another together. They WANT to do it together. There is no compulsion.
- Males have to lead in a way that the females respect to have a good dance. He will always signal to her when he is making a decision for a new move. He is confident in his abilities. He steps up to the plate. He takes the responsibility. To be guided by a confident male dancer who is not showing off is a good experience. He is considerate and a joy to dance with, just like a husband should be a joy to do life with when he is confident in his role.
- When a male is new and inexperienced, the female doesn't 'take over' his role. She helps him lead her. She prompts him, supports him. even instructs him and follows proactively. But she still lets him do what he is supposed to do instead of saying,"You're lousy. I'll be the male. You can be the female."
- Although the male leads, sometimes, he actually leads in a way that 'serves' the female dancer. He 'shows' her off and puts the spotlight on her instead of on himself. He supports her, he lifts her, he makes her look the best he can.
- The dance is incomplete without both dancers. The male and female are equally important. They can't pull it off without each other. They are a team. Marriage is the same.
- When the dancers flow together, it is the most beautiful thing to watch. The energy, the passion, the grace, the synergy, the breathtaking moments...all speak of transcendent unity and design! When husband and wife flow together, there is that same beauty in their lives.
I'm just praying when I get married, I'll remember this. I'll learn to flow with my husband and follow his lead. Submission will be a joy. Trust will not be an issue.
Last note:
Rehearsing dancing can be tricky! You need to practice practice pratice! You need to put in hard work, sweat, tears and even blood. You'll step on each other's toes. You'll sometimes hurt each other. You might fail to catch your partner after a lift and she comes crashing down.
I believe marriage involves all these hard things too. But it is for the beauty of the dance of marriage. The unity of purpose. The awesome feeling of getting better and better at it . It is definitely going to be worth all the hard work and dedication.
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