I was browsing through my friend's blog....Jason. It's been a while since we've been in contact.
Hope to see him and Wee Liem when I go abck to M'sia for a holiday.
Hope to see Miranda too. It's been ages. Miss her!
Miss my house and household. Dorcas would be heaps tall now.
Miss the food...been dreaming about belacan fried chicken, kangkong stir-fried with chilli, sizzling plate tofu, and ha-ko [little lobsters] fried with egg yolk. ARGHHHHHHHHHH...can't wait to eat all of these things!
But..today...this struck me. Jason blogged about dreams.
This is a partial post of his, that was actually referenced from ANOTHER friend's blog:
As taking reference from a good friend, only our dreams reveal the deepest secrets of our hearts that remain hidden even to ourselves sometimes.
http://tzeseong.blogspot.com/
those dreams, the gnashing of teeth, the sorrow, so bitter and deep...how does it feel to be abandoned?
how does it feel eh? Somehow, no matter how I try, I can't seem to shake of that uncanny feeling of being treated 2nd class for so many years.
Nevertheless, now i stand by my own.
I chart my own journey now.
The weight of adulthood rest like an enormous burden upon this shoulders, heavier than the PRS i so often sling.
Hope to see him and Wee Liem when I go abck to M'sia for a holiday.
Hope to see Miranda too. It's been ages. Miss her!
Miss my house and household. Dorcas would be heaps tall now.
Miss the food...been dreaming about belacan fried chicken, kangkong stir-fried with chilli, sizzling plate tofu, and ha-ko [little lobsters] fried with egg yolk. ARGHHHHHHHHHH...can't wait to eat all of these things!
But..today...this struck me. Jason blogged about dreams.
This is a partial post of his, that was actually referenced from ANOTHER friend's blog:
As taking reference from a good friend, only our dreams reveal the deepest secrets of our hearts that remain hidden even to ourselves sometimes.
Lately, I can recall most of my dreams when I wake up. And these dreams showed me what my heart desire, minus all my intellectual thinking...these dreams really showed me how I felt at that moment when it happen. Some sad,that I cried. Some happy dreams, only to wake up knowing it is just a dream.
But I know I am losing what I cant keep in the 1st place.
I will cling on to the only hope I have in You, knowing that You have the best plans for me in life. Just help me to believe despite the circumstances.
http://tzeseong.blogspot.com/
those dreams, the gnashing of teeth, the sorrow, so bitter and deep...how does it feel to be abandoned?
how does it feel eh? Somehow, no matter how I try, I can't seem to shake of that uncanny feeling of being treated 2nd class for so many years.
Nevertheless, now i stand by my own.
I chart my own journey now.
The weight of adulthood rest like an enormous burden upon this shoulders, heavier than the PRS i so often sling.
I know what they mean. Their writings resonate within my soul. i've been having so many odd dreams. Some of them I clench my fist at because I do not want to dream of those particular people, yet I have no control over it. I feel like it's so unfair, because I have put those people out of my mind so long ago. My dreams sometimes bring them back.
And I loathe and revile the feeling of abandonment and rejection. Of misunderstanding. Of betrayal. It is probably the very thing that gives me the drive to keep steady, to keep cool, guarded, and never too emotional in public. WORK, even though your heart is breaking. SERVE, even though your life is falling apart. Life GOES ON. And no one will really bother about another nut-case who is in unexplainable pain.
Taking my mom's advice for once. I'm not going to wear my heart on my sleeve. Seems like I've succeeded. A few comments have drifted back to me, people think I'm poker-faced, reserved and self-protective. Aged, not care-free.
Yet it breaks out in the sub-conscious. All these feelings, desires, thoughts...
And Adulthood does weigh heavy. Feel like it's sapping the fun and the vitality out of me, because I'm struggling to survive all the time, and it ages me. I don't want to grow old before my time. I don't want to grow sour just because I'm growing up. I want life, ABUNDANT LIFE.
God is still good. I am actually valuing this time of getting to know Him. And if He is sifting all these things up from the depths of my heart, I need His grace to face them courageously though it crushes to my ego.
And I loathe and revile the feeling of abandonment and rejection. Of misunderstanding. Of betrayal. It is probably the very thing that gives me the drive to keep steady, to keep cool, guarded, and never too emotional in public. WORK, even though your heart is breaking. SERVE, even though your life is falling apart. Life GOES ON. And no one will really bother about another nut-case who is in unexplainable pain.
Taking my mom's advice for once. I'm not going to wear my heart on my sleeve. Seems like I've succeeded. A few comments have drifted back to me, people think I'm poker-faced, reserved and self-protective. Aged, not care-free.
Yet it breaks out in the sub-conscious. All these feelings, desires, thoughts...
And Adulthood does weigh heavy. Feel like it's sapping the fun and the vitality out of me, because I'm struggling to survive all the time, and it ages me. I don't want to grow old before my time. I don't want to grow sour just because I'm growing up. I want life, ABUNDANT LIFE.
God is still good. I am actually valuing this time of getting to know Him. And if He is sifting all these things up from the depths of my heart, I need His grace to face them courageously though it crushes to my ego.
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