Struggle

I have an idea of what kind of artist I want to be. I love a few types of music, and I would like to be able to write and release these few types in full-length albums. 

1. Acoustic guitar music - Just a guitar, maybe a cello and light percussion and a back up vocalist. I would love to learn how to play decently on a few songs...on the others, want to work with a guitarist. Simple, sweet stuff, or witty jazzy little romps. 
2. Soul/Motown/Funk - Full band. Drums, Funky Bass, Piano and Rhodes/Nord keys, wahwah guitars, the works. And maybe a few horns. Loveitloveitloveit. And of course, gospel back up vocalists who sing better than me for those lush harmonies. :P
3. Piano and Strings - A Steinway Grand. And a string quartet. And a double bass. Emo kind of dramatics music. Just the piano and I sometimes.
4. Latin music - salsa, bolero, merengue....singing and performing in this style is FUN FUN FUN. Add in dancing and heels and bright colours. Whoohoo.

If I ever get to release decent albums in those styles, it will be a dream come true.

The greatest struggle now is to have to write Chinese lyrics. I want to be a complete songwriter. It is not complete to write a tune and not be able to express yourself in the language you're supposed to be releasing your songs in. Argh.

Sometimes I think, God, what was the purpose of coming here? Why do I have such an unsettled feeling, like this is a work place but it is not home?  I think I've definitely gotten a lot out of just AIMING to be here and being here for 2 months. It's given me a focus like never before on music and on living an extraordinary life. But is this the end? Is this the goal? I don't know yet.

I know there is more. The prophetic words speak about working in the miraculous. About the need for intimacy with God and the ministry being birthed forth from there. It sounds very out of reach at the moment. Right now, even this music dream is so far away. The mountain is so high. 

And snippets of songs do come, but they come in English. All these nifty little sentences, so full of potential, but oh, wonder if I'll ever define my stuff properly. Need to choose. Need to work hard. Wondering all the time about the fitness of things. Help, help me God.