I was at life-group today. I often don't feel like going because it take me 40 minutes on the MRT and half an hour of walking to get there. And the same journey back. It's 12 am when I reach home usually. But when I get there, I never regret it.
The ppl in lifegroup are sincere, open-hearted people. Some are emotional and complicated. Some are quiet and reserved. Some are married. Some are engaged. Some are single. But there's something special about life-group at my cell-leader's house. It's like a Bethel. A ladder between heaven and earth. Things seem normal until the worship starts, and suddenly it's like you're transported to another world. I'm serious. I don't usually exaggerate such experiences...I should know because I grew up in a Pentecostal church. So many people around me had such strong reactions that I took for granted, while I experienced hardly anything after I was 6 [as a child, I used to see some visions in the mind]. I didn't feel anything. I was quite suspicious of it all as a teen. I didn't like preachers pushing me down. I resisted the pushing and usually preferred to stay standing firmly. I didn't really appreciate people whooping, and shaking frenetically in 'response to the Spirit'. However, if people manifested, I didn't freak. It was clear they couldn't help it. But some people who COULD help it and who were NOT manifesting still reacted with whooping and screaming and shaking. I was quite annoyed with all that. Nowadays, I'm a bit more open-minded...still don't like it, but hey....it's their life/way.
I'm digressing. Anyway, worship in my life-group is something special. From the word go, you can get quite lost in God. There's a reverence, but there's an overwhelming sense of deep, all-encompassing love. It's like He just turns up. So strangely. Because I often feel I'm so unprepared. I didn't fast and pray and expect Him that day...like Jacob was totally not expecting God to visit him. He didn't know angels would run up and down that ladder. It feels like that for me. The first time I went, I couldn't stop crying at life-group. It was embarrassing. Today, a new gal came. During the singing she started tearing, and at free-worship, she bawled. It happens quite often for newcomers. Seen quite a few. Even guys. They start tearing.
Don't want to take such a visitation from God for granted. Can't figure it out. He's sovereign. So sometimes, it's like you do all you can, yet it feels so dull and dry. Yet sometimes, BAM, He's there, and you didn't do a thing to deserve it. The love...is almost tangible.
God used me today.... truly the gifts of the Spirit are for blessing others. I prayed for the new gal generically during prayer time. On a whim, I asked God for a word to bless this sister. He gave it very quickly. I saw a vision of her hugging a tree, and walking around the tree many times. It was random for me. And I heard the words, 'Have you not wandered in the wilderness enough?'. I was not keen to share such a word/image. But I had such a puzzled expression on my face the gals asked me what was up. So I shared the vision but not that words. The girl BURST into tears.
"I know! I know what it means".....and she wouldn't stop crying.
She then shared while crying that she didn't have a father. And she always hung on to older guys for security and a feeling of comfort and safety. And God was telling her to let go because He was her security. I was then emboldened to share the rest of the word, and also encouraged her to go ahead to the promise land God had for her. She cried and we all prayed together for her and with her. She also shared how she felt God's love during worship.
I was awed by God. How He turned up. How He really seems to love us and care about the details of our lives. How He would use some random, Chinese-still-so-keke person to minister to a needy person.
I must say I really don't get Him sometimes. Like Aslan, he's wild. He's not a tame lion....He's not at our beck and call. But He's good. God is love and He is good. Thank you for using me God. I'm so honoured. And thank you for showing up. I love You.
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