The music industry is tough for many reasons. It's uncertain, it's often financially taxing, the quality of products are subjective and therefore harder to gauge etc. One of the main issues I've had to deal with is dealing with the opposite gender with wisdom.
Musicians often work odd hours. Gigs run till pretty late at night. By the time you pack up and unwind, you realise it's the wee hours of the morning. Mixing, recording and mastering in the studios are done with tight time schedules and are often done 24-7. Whatever time you can do it, especially when you're over-budget, you squeeze in time-slots at odd times of the day and night. Gigging also involves heaps of travelling. The industry also requires many meetings and brain-storms. Or collaborations and rehearsals. AND it is safe to say that the industry is male-dominated. So this means I deal with the a lot of different people of the opposite gender on a very regular basis in odd situations. This makes normal life tough. And there are SO many different considerations all the time it taxes my psyche.
If I wasn't a Christian, maybe I wouldn't care as much about being careful or considerate or non-stumbling to others, but then, I wear the badge of being a disciple of Christ. Furthermore, the industry is peppered with almost legendary horror stories about people getting themselves into all kinds of affairs and whatnot. Makes things doubly complicated.
Now, I understand why people in the industry delay marriage or even delay committed relationships. It's very difficult to maintain a normal one particularly with someone NOT from the industry, because your hours are always odd, you meet so many people and work with them so closely all the time, it's hard to invest time and build trust in the relationship.
I do sometimes wish everyone I meet in the industry was not married/attached, so I'm not constantly thinking about their wives and how they would view certain things their husbands do, or how they would view me if I work with their partners. I also wish (albeit unrealistically) that if they were single, they had no intentions to be in any romantic relationships (how unrealistic) so I need not worry about anyone hitting on me.
A snippet of scenarios that commonly happen:
- I want to work with a guitarist. Would it seem weird if I duet a love song with him if he's married? Would it be weird if I constantly appear in videos with him if he was attached? Would it be weird to have rehearsals by ourselves...I mean it is unrealistic to have their partners with them 24-7 like hawks?
- How late should I stay in the studio with male producers and engineers? Recording and mixing can go on till the wee hours of the morning. It's brain-sapping process that is already a heavy load without worrying about all of these issues. AND, if sessions end late, there's no public transport. Someone has to drop you home? If there is only ONE who can do it, is it ok?
- Is it ok to have coffee/meal with an industry heavy-weight alone? I often have to meet so many people, and they obviously have no qualms about all kinds of different business meetings with the opposite gender. Also, if business meetings are ok, what about meals at leisure when you've finished gigs? What about going to see gigs that no one else is interested in?
- Should I entertain phone calls from anyone male after 11pm? But musos don't sleep.....they sleep in the morning...THAT's when it's inappropriate to call them. HAHAHA. We have opposite etiquette. Like DON'T call musos/producers before 11am. But it's cool to call at 12am coz everyone is definitely awake and working.
Yea. I try to err on the side of caution with all these. But seriously, it can be tough for a Christian to navigate around all of these scenarios without being misunderstood. Heck. It's even hard to explain to people why I don't have set hours for work, and I work from home 60% of the time? Why I'm home at 12am or 2am?
I end up having this professional 'suit' or 'mask' that I put on when I deal with the opposite gender. I become choleric, concise, non-emotional, and definitely not vulnerable. This is to keep every male appropriately at arm's length. It tires me out. But sometimes a gal's gotta do what a gal's gotta do. In every situation, I ask God for his wisdom, discernment and protection. Sigh.
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