My pathway in music and the creative arts is constantly 'guided' or in a way 'hampered' by whether or not my product will stumble/offend people[mainly Christians] or offend God.
On the other side of the fence is the commercial market...what's the point of trying to make a living out of music if no one will buy it? It has to sell...somehow.
Sometimes, it is wisdom. Sometimes, it's a prison.
Oh! I LONG to be free to say and write and sing whatever I feel or think. But it seems rather impossible at this moment. Too many inhibitions. Fears. To some extent, despite her obviously kooky sometimes almost evil stance, I envy crazy people like Lady Gaga. They are free to be crazy, ugly, truthful, fantasy-oriented and everything they want to be if they conceptualize it.
I'm a little weary. I haven't even plunged into the deep end yet. In 2009 I decided to get all my swimming gear ready. In 2010, I stepped into the pool but I've only splashed around the shallow end. I was learning my strokes, floundering around once in a while, gasping for air every few minutes. *side note: I went to see a Chinese doctor for the first time and he said, quite accurately, that my stamina is rather low, my blood pressure is also low, my digestion is a little weak, and my heart palpitates in response to small shocks. He told me to avoid all forms of caffeine, alcohol, coconut milk, sticky rice, and ice. Hmm. That's hard to do in Malaysia, but easier to carry out in Taiwan. But I'm digressing.
Now that I've actually learned to swim in some form, still not a pro, it's time to venture into the deep end. To learn diving even. 2011 is a year of swimming in the deeper waters, stretch by stretch. It is a year of not gasping for air every few minutes anymore. Stamina must be increased. Fear must be conquered.
As usual, God. I need you...
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