I realized something about myself. I love being part of team. I don't like doing stuff alone. BUT it's way harder to do things with other people. So many factors to consider.
Those who know me well should know that volleyball was a sport I was passionate about since I was 11 till I finished high school. I was motivated enough to practice 2-3 times a week even when official practice was only once a week. I relished competition times when I could play 6 hours a day, for 2 weeks straight. I don't know why I developed such a love for the sport. I'm totally unsuited for it. I'm short. I'm not naturally strong [some of the shorties on the team with me had like freakishly strong arms. I did not. I'm not naturally very athletic. My parents were skilled table-tennis players, not volleyball champs. But somehow, I never picked up table-tennis. I love volleyball for all it is: the digging, the spiking, the court plays etc. But most of all, I love being part of team. I love practising with a bunch of other ppl, I love even being on the side-lines cheering for my team. I love yelling at the top of my voice with my team mates to get out 'conquering' spirit up. I love even the crying with a bunch of mates when we lose a match, because there's someone to cry with you. You're not alone in your disappointment and misery. I love being part of the fluidity of a great play when we pass the balls to each other and no one 'drops the ball'. Excuse my pun. :-)
I used to like studying with friends. It's not everyone's preferred method, but for me, I learn the fastest when I can study with a few other pals. I like bouncing ideas, fleshing out concepts etc.
In music, I've always loved being part of a band. Doing stuff together. Orchestras as opposed to playing violin all by my sad self. The times when my skill improved the most in violin was when I was at music camps, playing 8 hours a day with friends and NOT FEELING LIKE IT WAS A CHORE IN THE LEAST. When I was at uni, playing with my band and with salsa bands [which usually consisted of a lot of people] was the most fun I had. Not the lone practicing in studios that drove me slightly nuts.
Currently, I'm struggling a little. Finding it hard to 'do' my music life with anyone, because everyone sort of has their own circle already. I miss my band mates, miss playing salsa in a 10-ppl band, randomly miss playing volleyball, miss DANCING salsa [you need ppl who dance with], miss musical partners like John to jam and write with.
The problem with all these activities that I love to do is they are rather impossible to carry out when there is no right person/bunch of people around you. Very rare to find Latin music players in Taiwan for obvious reasons. Even people who play jazz, soul or funk are rare [though less rare than Latin musos]. Those who are good already have bands that they are part of. Sigh. Still praying for God's provision right now as I try to do pre-production for my up-coming album. Need a lot of partners and ideas. Feeling like I'm just in my little 'dunno-what-to-do' square most of the time. Limited by my own skills and experience. And not many can advise.
It's like life constantly rubs in my face that I'm alone when my passion is to do life with people. Every activity...sports, jamming, music, dancing, eating, praying, worshipping, travelling...etc. And constantly, I do it all....alone.
Team things are hard. Mom used to tell me people can go further individual sports because they never had to factor in other people's weaknesses. But it was never my cup of tea. So what does one do? Dilemma.
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