One of those odd moments. I'm halfway through a shower. My hair is doused with 'hair mask' and bunched up in a shower cap. My thrice-coloured hair ends need definitely some regular TLC. My face has some decongestant mask on. I'm listening to a bunch of songs form the 80's. Not my favourite era (full of cheesy synths and an overkill of reverb effects), but there are some good songs in the list.
Preparing for DT's wedding. Yup, my 'boss' is getting married and I have the privilege to be part of the wedding band as the wedding singer. Guess it's time for a person in his 40's to be settling down…
His wedding is back to back with Jacob's (a jazz guitarist friend who works in DT's company). And obviously, I have to attend both.
His wedding is back to back with Jacob's (a jazz guitarist friend who works in DT's company). And obviously, I have to attend both.
I'm precariously close to turning 30 in a year. Jacob's already there. DT's 'next phase in life' progress was probably slowed down by the entertainment industry (most musos and artists have the Peter Pan syndrome of not wanting to grow up), but he's moving on too.
I sometimes wonder if I came to Taiwan too late. There's an advantage to starting out when you're physically and mentally young and fairly naive. One dares to do a lot more things because one hasn't been hurt yet, because one hasn't been warned ahead of all the possible pitfalls and discouragements, because one hasn't seen enough to be for one's heart to be calloused and jaded.
If I came when I was around 20-22, perhaps my mental state would have been quite a bit different. (if I joined DT's team when HE was younger and less jaded, touring with him would have been quite different too). I doubt I would have been so cautious. I would have plunged intro a lot more things. Perhaps gotten myself into different scrapes, but also learned from them.
My greatest fear about moving on to different stages of life is how you can't go back to the previous one. There's no going backwards in time or experience. But I'm not ready to move on and 'settle' but there's a part of me that's so emotionally and mentally exhausted because the constant 'pushing forward' that it just seems to be giving up and flopping on the floor.
I feel paralysed, and I really don't know how to snap out of it for the moment. I really need to keep moving, but currently I feel like I'm stuck in the mud. This time, not by circumstances, but because of myself.
Dear Dadda God. Will You help me? Really need some revelation and some rhema in this situation.
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