There's been so much and so little going on at the same time. I'm not going to elaborate too much while I'm feeling so frustrated. But it's been about 3 months of many questions, tears and mounting insecurities. Enough to drive someone like me mad.
The straw that snapped my camel's back of spiel of non-blogging was dealing with our current apartment. Perhaps I've been spoilt by living in hotels so often this past 2 years because of touring. But I really do appreciate the break from the dreariness of living in Taipei City with limited funds for so many years. Often, I feel so ashamed of myself for being so 'soft'. Becasue T seems to deal with any kind of living condition and temperature without complaining. I don't complain out loud much because it's pointless, but there's plenty raging on inside. And it's all made worse by the fact that we're expecting a kid. So many things that I can deal with as lone adult are now overwhelming me as a pregnant person.
What's there to feel frustrated about?
1. Heat. Summer in Taipei is not a joke. And it's long...about 5 months. Temperatures hit 35-36 Celcius (and up to 40 degrees Real Feel) everyday, and there are no ceiling fans in most places around the city, including our apartment.
Our living room does not have direct ventilation and is dependant on the air from the bedrooms that have windows. There is no real way to cool the living room because the wall fan just manages to make it a CO2 sauna. T doesn't like opening the windows of the bedroom often of the dusty air. So our only option is to waste electricity, leave the bedroom door open and turn on the aircon in the bedroom to ventilate and cool the living room. It doesn't work very well most times. I try to suck it up but today I tried to sit in the living room for a bit after lunch and grew dizzy from the heat and lack of oxygen. This is when I really wish for a place where there can be some form of temperature control!!!! At least in Malaysia, heat never bothers me as much in the house as our house is large and well-aired with ceiling fans in all the right places. At least there is ample oxygen and some greenery.
This Taipei apartment is at least 30 years old, and quite spacious. But old apartments in Taipei were all very shoddily built with no sense of design or ventilation. To rent anything decent will require spending at last 10000NT more on rent which is ridiculous. So...stuck between a rock and a hard place.
2. Bad air, lack of ventilation and dust. We live in a busy part of the city, so it's incredibly dusty, which aggravates my sinus problems to the maximum. Pregnancy doesn't help at all and I've been suffering from severe congestion and rhinitis everyday for months since I've returned from the last DT concert in March. The main bathroom does not have ventilation either and is directly connected to my work room, which makes it perpetually damp, smelly from whoever just pooed, or 'soapy' and warm from showers. There IS a second bathroom, but the toilet doesn't flush properly because of the lousy piping in Taipei (btw Taipei is the only country I've been in that tells you not to flush your tissues in the toilet but to leave all the yucky stuff in the dustbins because of the inefficient piping. How unhygienic!!)
3. Stairs vs elevators. Old apartments have no elevators. Again, renting a decent apartment with an elevator is going to cost a little too much. We've been living separately and together in apartments that have been on the 4th or 4.5 floors for 2 years. It has been a problem getting our gear and luggage up and down the stairs for rehearsals and trips. And when I hit the third trimester I wonder how I'll be able to climb those stairs everyday multiple times.
4. Cars vs scooters. Taipei is not made for smooth driving and parking. There is hardly any free parking in the city and the traffic is horrendous. So a car is an expense/luxury that we've always opted to go without except that now we're going to have a kid. Now, we're seriously considering this rather large expense. It's not that we can't afford it, as we have been blessed to be fairly stable financially for the past few years. But I don't foresee my being able to earn much after August, and I'm definitely not able to do anything for November, December and most likely January. I know God provided a large extra income in January to make up for it. (But... I was desperately hoping that it would be an 'extra' sum that could be part of the deposit our first house as opposed to just making up for the time that I can't work. I thought it would be a sum that could facilitate the album I was hoping to release this year. I thought that things were finally working out, and then all of this happens...). Scooter riding is rather unsafe and has been increasingly difficult for me (heat, dust, bumpy, crazy torrential storms), so our cheapest and most convenient mode of transport is now gone unless I suck it up and ride it anyway. However, once the kid comes we can't put it on a scooter...so? Do I want to navigate around the MRT's and busses with prams and kids like some moms? Nope. But do I have a choice? I don't know.
Our apartment already costs 24000NT a month (which is already the full salary of a university graduate here). Not expensive for this area and this size, but definitely a significant amount of money. We would be able to save so much more living at home like many of our friends. However, if anyone is complaining about Australian or Malaysian property prices, they should try buying in Taipei, where most normal working people earning an average wage have very little hope of purchasing even an old shoddy small apartment.
I don't know if it is too much to ask for place that is well-ventilated. That has sound proof windows and curtains (we don't have any curtains in this place. Had to put up some blinds ourselves to not get scalded by the sun every morning). That has a decent, clean, ventilated bathroom with a toilet that flushes. A place with temperature control. With a parking space for a car. That doesn't cost the full salary of a manager in Taiwan.
I don't want to deal with all of this.
Currently I'm not very hopeful and not fond of my life.
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