There have been quite a few times in my life that people have told me : "XXX is important, and you might not like it or think it's worth it now, but you will in the future". Or some other opinion or piece of advice along similar lines.
I remember distinctly that I did not want to be a school prefect. Firstly it was too much extra responsibility (yea, I was Miss live-and-let-live). Secondly, prefects were generally disliked by around 50% of the student population because they were 'police', and honestly, who likes being 'policed'? And I was a people pleaser, so why set yourself up to be somewhat hated by half the school? Thirdly, the prefect's uniform for females was ugly. It made me look short and wide. This was actually an important thing to me. My mom thought this reason for avoiding prefect-ship was quite ridiculous and shallow. And that I would think so too when I was older. Well, I became a prefect. But in all honesty, I don't think the 3 years of prefect-ship enriched my life in ways that mattered much. And I haven't changed my mind about the uniform. What bugged me then does not seem ridiculous to me now. And so far, in my line of work, it often DOES matter a lot if my outfit makes me look fat/wide or not. Perhaps there are reasons for why things bug you...though other people might think those reasons are not important, but in the long run, my gut feeling wins.
What next? Ah, being pregnant. I've seen so many blogs, comments, and heard well-meaning people tell me that all the discomfort and the memories of the suffering will fade away once you see the baby, because children are SO worth it. They also say, you will want another one very soon because they are so adorable. I highly doubted them.
Fast forward to the present (baby is 3.5 months old). I still remember the discomfort like it was yesterday and there are NEW ones everyday with breastfeeding, post-partum body image issues and night wakings. I love my bub very much and I do my best for him, but I currently have no desire to go through pregnancy, birth and start breast feeding all over again. I wonder if I will get to point where I will say 'Oh it's worth it all because I got this cutie'. Rather dubious at the moment.
Third scenario. I had a Chinese tuition teacher that gave me a lecture about having long hair (because I had a bad habit of twisting the ends of my hair whenever I was thinking or nervous. But I paid full attention in class, so I don't think anything I did warranted that humiliating lecture). He said that I should keep it short like my bald male classmate and I'd be smarter. Long hair would distract me from my studies and academic excellence, so he said.
I did well in secondary school, and I went on to obtain scholarships for academic excellence all through university. Having long hair (not being bald or nerdy-looking) is also quite important to me, my job, and my husband. Boo Chinese teacher. Being fashionable/well-groomed or even just feminine does not equate stupidity/laziness. I can be both good-looking and smart, thank you very much.
What's the point of this post? To remind myself that although many people mean well, no one should impose upon me what they think is good/important (aside from black and white moral issues) for me because they are not me. They are not going to live my life for me.
I need to be free to be myself. Fully myself.
Comments