Charismatic

I've been thinking about the life of celebrities, and what it means to be one. Or rather, what it will take to be one, what perks it offers, and what is the price one has to pay.  I've also been thinking about being celebrity in the Christian world. Obviously, no matter what we say about people being equal in our 'godly' world, we would still gasp, stare and want to take pictures if Darlene Zschech came to our church, and if say Joyce Meyer, John Bevere etc appeared near us. Their lives are much more scrutinized, criticized and admired.  This brings me to Taiwan and celebrity life here, especially in church. It does seem like if you're a christian celebrity or a secular celebrity [secular meaning in entertainment that's not necessarily christian per say] , or even an upcoming one, you do get VIP treatment in some churches. You get reserved seats. You get more attention. You get pointed out by the pastor. You get a lot people trying to be really nice to you and...

 If I never saw the desires of my heart fulfilled, if I never got those things in life that I really wanted, if things never did turn out the way I would like to have planned, if my hopes and dreams were never realized, I would be okay. Not because I want to be defeated, but because indeed just knowing God, and having a relationship with Him was more than enough. I only asked God for one thing, “Wash me clean of my sins and keep me faithful to the end!” When I die, I only ask that I die with one thing in my heart and that is… integrity (JM 2010)

It hasn't been the best of weeks..... I've been so flat out...still am. I'm groggily typing this because my mind is not ready to take up another bout of arranging. I'll need to start after lunch though. Arrangement and production is heavy heavy work. No wonder John the Ongstar used to look grumpy and edgy all the time. I can empathize now. And he wasn't paid properly most of the time. At least I'll be paid quite ok I think. The artist I'm working for has a budget.  But yea, lots of little things have been getting on my nerves. Like waiting for taxis for 10 minutes instead of getting one in 1-2 minutes. Like housemate eating up my beloved pineapple bun I was saving in the fridge. Like needing to walk up the hill in hot sun back and forth from the MRT. Like turning up for a lesson and realizing that they've changed the time and they didn't inform me....and i've wasted 3 hours by traveling back and forth. Like burning the pot ...coz I didn't k...

I must say, I detest the walking down the road from my house to the MRT. Because I'm usually rushing for time and I get hot and sweaty and my make up gets all messed up. 15 minutes up and down a hill is too much when you're trying to get to just an MRT station.  BUT, when I'm walking up the road back home, it's night time [usually]. It's cooler. And I don't mind the peace and quiet and the time to reflect on my day. I started off the day with stomach aches and diarrhea. Must have eaten something funky yesterday night with my lifegroup. Wonder what was bad. I haven't had any issues with food here so far. So I was sleeping in all day and felt very bad for doing so, because I HAVE WORK TO DO. But you can't really help feeling dehydrated and fatigued when you have food poisoning...even very mildly. I have a strong stomach and I rarely have issues when others do. So something must have been pretty funky/dirty. One new thing is that I've been going for ...

I spent an afternoon recording my first...youtube video of sorts. And I did it in English and Chinese....teeheee..quite proud of myself. Here they are! Enjoy and feel free to comment on my Youtube page!!! English 中文版 Chinese Version

*warning, long post ahead. Check out this article here . It is a Chinese article with an English translation. It is written with passion and with eloquence (I think anyway) by a Malaysian Chinese studying in Peking University.  I've struggled with issues of identity all my life. More so than my sisters I think. It's probably part and parcel of being partly melancholic. And also because I was never satisfied to be narrow and one-dimensional. It was difficult to navigate around my little town and circles of friends, trying to fit it with everyone. Examples?  The jocks [volleyball team] spoke in Hokkien. They had average grades...or bad ones. They were more uncultured [speech generally peppered with cussing], but full of fun and athletic, physical grace.  Jocks definitely didn't fit in with my slender [generally...not always] girl friends from ballet.  My nerdy Chinese school academic classmates would never hang out with jocks. Nor with my English speaking, we...

So freaking emotional today.  Don't really know what's up [or down]. Though I must say church is great comfort and I'm always happy I'm there for service or life-group. My life group is great...really direct and innocent in some ways....affectionate people.  Maybe it's the de-stress reaction after the last week of intense arranging, practising and recording. I used to get physically sick during uni after exams or stressful events. I'd get keyed up so high and perform very well with the pressure and adrenaline fueling my performance. And then, I'd fall sick. I guess I'm not physically sick now, but emotionally just overwhelmed.  I think I must be kinder to myself some ways, and tougher in some ways. Tougher on my habits. No sleeping too late...not too much internet....more exercise. But kinder on my emotions. Allow myself space to be overwhelmed. Since Adelaide 2003 I've never been very good at giving myself space to get used to new environments. M...